The Most Important Question To Ask Before You React
Jun 26, 2026
When the hard moment hits โ the text that makes your stomach drop, the comment that lands like a jab, the decision you have to make about how to respond โ what's running through your head?
For most of us, it's some version of: What do I deserve here? What does he deserve? What will protect me? What will make him finally see?
I've spent nearly twenty years walking with women through the hardest seasons of their marriages, and I've watched all of us reach for those questions. They feel like wisdom. They feel like self-respect.
But this week on the podcast, I unpacked a verse that gave me a completely different question to ask โ and I want to share it with you today, because it has become the framework I run every hard decision through.
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25
To help you see this in action, I'm going to share a story of a hard moment during my separation where I got to exercise what "strength and dignity" really looks and feels like.
About ten years ago, Tim and I were out celebrating our anniversary and he suggested that we go back down memory lane and make a list of what we've done for each of our anniversaries up to that point. We racked our brains (I think it was already year 15 by this point!) and years later, we still add to that list on every anniversary.
Each year, we mark down the city we celebrated in, where we ma...
Women come to me to heal their marriages โ and I love being a part of that. But if I'm being honest, the first thing God wants to heal is not her marriage. It's her.
I know. Fighting words.
That is the last thing you want to hear when you're staring at so much brokenness in your husband. But we are not here to dictate a timeline for someone else's healing. We're here to get honest about ours.
B...
Years ago I walked into our bathroom and found sewage backing up into the toilet. And then into the tub.
If you have ever seen that, you know it is exactly as bad as it sounds.
Here is what we did not do. We did not stand there scooping it out of the tub while everyone kept flushing the toilets like nothing was wrong. That would have been insanity. You do not manage sewage. You stop, you call s...
The Wise Wife Letters
A weekly letter for the wife who is standing alone, fighting the right fight, and refusing to let fear run the house.
