Your husband is likely operating from a Rejection stronghold

Somewhere along the way, he came into agreement with a lie: "I am unwanted. I am not enough. If I stay small, I won't be hurt again."

When someone makes that agreement, it leads to unhealthy patterns. Withdrawing instead of speaking up. Shutting down under pressure. Fear of taking initiative because they'll just "get it wrong" anyway. Eventually, they can spend so many years "keeping the peace" that they lose all hope and snap. And when that happens, it can often feel like your Rejection spirit husband (who may have never expressed real emotion before this) flipped some horrible switch and is suddenly now stubborn, defensive, and even downright mean.

If that just described your husband, keep reading, because how you respond to this stronghold matters more than you know.

A rejection stronghold has a specific antidote: grace and acceptance that calls him up into who God says he is. Not coddling. Not rescuing. Not mothering him through every spiral. Rejection does not heal by experiencing more rejection. It heals through belief.

One thing you can do today: don't take the bait. While it may not be your fault that he has allowed you to overcompensate with control and dominance, it was your choice to respond that way. Own your part in the breakdown and refuse to lecture him on his "rejection spirit" - you are not his life coach.

If he has already tipped over into hopelessness (the "burn it all down" mindset), stop taking the bait of his newfound "courage" to speak his mind. Like a child having a temper tantrum, a Rejection spirit which has tipped over into hopelessness doesn't need a rebuke. They need the truth spoken in love.

That's a piece of your answer. The full analysis goes further: what this stronghold is doing to you, the specific ways wives unknowingly feed a rejection spirit, and how to starve it instead.

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 URGENT NOTE: if his behavior includes threats, intimidation, or any kind of harm, get to safety first. That comes before any strategy on this page. You honor God by removing yourself (and any children) from someone's threats against your safety.